Four years ago, I used to love someone with all of my heart.
He have my whole heart, without prejudice, without having any thoughts and without even looking back in the past.
He used to tell me that I was his world.
His everything.
I practically created, for him.
But things went different, we started having our own personal thoughts.
Getting heated into conversations, got into petty arguments.
We had that, a lot.
And it was never ending, never.
This man, the one that I called home - bailed on me, bailed on us.
He bailed on the only relationship that I held really tight.
He said he wasn't ready, but I was damn sure he lied.
I have found that he had loved another woman, while he loved me.
He can choose to be faithful, to make me the only woman. His woman.
But, he decides to love another woman.
I wasn't lying, my heart shattered into pieces.
In the midst of struggling to deal with my condemned destiny, I crawled backup.
I know I wasn't thinking straight but I had to do what I need to do.
I decided to stay, and became number two.
Even he had loved me first, he puts me second. After her.
I felt terrible. Never have I ever placed at this lowest.
This was the lowest place I ever be, I was forever condemned.
It feels good tho, because he decided to love me too.
And then, it all changed again.
I'm not sure what happened, but I left him.
I talked to him, peacefully. I spoke my mind. I told him what I felt.
That was the first time, I was really calm.
I said, thank you to him. Thank you, for you had loved me at your hardest.
Between us, I was the one who had loved you harder than ever.
Thanks to you, I walked.
Thanks to you, I move forward.
Well, decades later - I realised that I'm still looking over my shoulder
-- to see if I can manage to catch his glimpse among all those people.
Because I have missed him, at my hardest.
My forever home, my world.
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